On September 13, Arizona Roller Derby (AZRD) opens up their sixth season with a lot of changes. This season, the league will be bouting at the Castle Sports Club instead of the outdoor Casey At The Bat. The league has switched to the bout format of doing two 30-minute periods instead of three 20-minute periods. New logos for the Brawlarinas and the Bruisers were introduced this evening.
The Bruiser lineup is mainly a rookie roster but is anchored by legend Denise Lightning as captain and former Surly Gurlie, Shirley Demise. The Brawlarina line-up consists of mainly veteran skaters. Many of last year's Brawlies are back with Holly Would now as the team captain.
FIRST HALF
The first jam of the evening pits French Lyck of the Brawlas against Denise Lightning of the Bruisers and the AZRD 2008-09 season begins with a false start at the jammer line. Both jammers are reset and the jam starts again with Denise Lightning picking up the lead jam and eventually a grand slam, 5-0 Bruisers. In the next jam, Shirley Demise of the Bruisers goes against Hacker Too Pieces at the jammer line. Shirley gets knocked towards the boards by French Lyck and both jammers pick up 3. 8-3 Bruisers. The Bruisers would continue to use the jamming forces of Denise and Shirley to add more points that the Brawlas were not able to answer. 23-3 Bruisers with over 22 minutes remaining in the first half.
Dee Vicious would come up to the line for the Bruisers and picks up a lead jam over Certified Luna Chick for the Brawlies but it was Luna who picked up the points in this jam, 23-5 Bruisers. Later on, Bruiser Angela Darkness would do her debut jam and pick another Bruiser grand slam while Frenchie goes to the box. 36-10 Bruisers with 18+ minutes remaining. Poka Hi Ness would them come up for the Bruisers for her debut jam and it's a solo jam while Frenchie serves her time. Poka Hi Ness, despite being worked on very hard by Holly Would breaks and then French Lyck finishes up her time and rejoins the pack. In the same jam, Denise Lightning would eventually go to the box making the jam 3 on 3 with a Brawlie solo. Just after Frenchie joins the jam, she also gets sent to the box and the jam will have to be reset. As a result, about another 2 minutes burns off the clock with no scoring. Still 36-10.
The reset would result in Bruiser rookie Shedonist coming up against Certified Luna Chick. While Luna was being blocked by Denise Lightning, Shedonist would find her way through for a lead jam through a huge hole on the outside. Luna Chick picks up 6 and Shedonist calls. 36-16, Bruisers. French Lyck would take on Angela Darkness and while it seems like Frenchie is flying through, Angela sneaks on through for a lead jam and then called to the box but then is back in by the time the jam ends. 39-20, Bruisers. Holly Would goes up against Angela Darkness, fresh from her rest at the box. Angela would scream though for lead jam. Penalties galore would cause the Bruisers to go down to 2 skaters on the track. 41-22, Bruisers.
French Lyck, solo jamming for the Brawlies does a booty shake on the line in an effort to garner more Brawlapoints from the derby gods. With Shirley Demise working her hard, Frenchie picks up a well needed Brawlie grand slam. Angela Darkness would re-enter the pack and Frenchie calls. 44-27, Bruisers. In the next jam, Hacker jamming for the Brawlarinas is sent to the box giving the solo jam to Poka Hi Ness who seems to be a little winded by an earlier hit by Holly Would eventually gets the lead and picks up a grand slam. 49-29, Bruisers. Shirley Demise would then take on French Lyck. Hacker would be all over Shirley and eventually takes her into the infield at turn-3. Shirley is eventually shown the way to the box and Frenchie would follow not longer after resulting in another reset. The half would eventually end with the score 53-29, Bruisers.
SECOND HALF
Second half would start with Denise Lightning taking on Hacker to Pieces. Denise would eventually pick up the lead jam and an eventual grand slam. In turn-3, Denise would cut sharply to the inside and trips over French Lyck and calls the jam. Next jam, Angela Darkness for the Bruisers against Certified Luna Chick for the Bralwas. Angela flys through the outside and picks up a lead jam. 66-29, Bruisers. Luna Chick stays out against Shirley Demise and Shirley gets by her for a lead jam. During this jam, Certified Luna Chick was hit in the face by another skater. She goes down outside turn-2 clutching her face. An outside ref comes over and tries to give the T-signal while the EMT comes over to tend to her. The jam continues on while this is taking place. After a little breather, Luna Chick rejoins the jam but during that time, Shirley Demise picks up a grand slam then despite a workover by Hacker, picks up more points and calls after what some may call a contraversial 9 point jam. 75-29, Bruisers.
Hacker Too Pieces to the line against Angela Darkness for the next jam. Despite an early stumble on the frontstretch, Angela finds her way through to pick up another Bruiser lead jam. She picks up 3, stumbles in turn-2 and calls it off. 78-29, Bruisers. The next jam would pit Shedonist who was getting worked on by Holly Would against Brawlie jammer French Lyck was having to contend with Denise Lightning resulting in a very interesting leg grab by Frenchie. The jam would go scoreless. Brawlas call time with 21 minutes remaining. Angela Darkness takes on Hacker. Despite a team effort by Holly Would and Luna Chick, Angela finds that hole to break lead jam. Poka Hi Ness would then take on French Lyck. While Frenchie was dealing with a wall of red and a nice hit off of Shirley Demise, Poka goes down in turn-4 with A. Whacks Queen. Poka manages to get the lead jam and eventually calls it. 88-29, Bruisers. The Bruisers would eventually pick up more points thanks to Shedonist. It's now 93-29, Bruisers. The second half is more than halfway over and the Brawlies have yet to score in this half.
Angela Darkness takes on Certified Luna Chick. Despite a challenge by Shirley Demise, Luna stays in the jam. Angela picks up the lead and eventually gets called. Luna now has an advantage of flying solo but was not able to do anything with it. 95-29, Bruisers. Hacker Too Pieces in desperate need of a 60-point jam goes solo. Despite some resistance by Shedonist and Floozie Q, Hacker breaks through in-bounds for lead jam but then eventually gets stopped by the great wall of red. Angela is eventually sprung from the box, breaks and a tied-up Hacker is forced to call. Still 95-29 with 10 minutes remaining. The Brawlies had two great opportunities to pick up points here but the strong defense of this new Bruiser team is outstanding.
Certified Luna Chick would take on Poka Hi Ness. With Floozie Q having to yield on a 20-foot rule, Luna would pick up a Brawla lead jam. Poka is caught up in the pack, especially courtesy of Frenchie while Luna puts the first second-half points on the board for the Brawlies. With Holly Would working on Poka, the Brawlas are finally starting to show some fire underneath those tutus. Luna would eventually take a hit by Dee Vicious who was shown the box and then calls after ending an almost 30 minute Brawla scoring drought by picking up 9 points. 95-38, Bruisers.
With 8 minutes remaining, a classic matchup of French Lyck against Shirley Demise. Shirley was aggressively trying to make it through but no matter where she went, Hacker was right there. Frenchie breaks through and picks up another Brawlie lead jam. After Frenchie goes around for 4, Shirley Demise would pass the star to Angela Darkness. 98-40, Bruisers. As the time starts to close in, Angela Darkness and Hacker too Pieces are the jammers. First, Hacker gets called and then Angela called not too long after causing another reset. Frenchie and Shirley would come in for the reset. Frenchie gets lead jam and Shirley would get called to the box and Shirley was definitely not happy about it. Frenchie took advantage of the moment. 106-49, Bruisers.
Final jam with 40 seconds remaning, French Lyck stays in for the solo jam, picks up more 9 points. Final score, 106-58. This bout appears to have been played under the new WFTDA 3.1 rule set as the final jams for both periods were allowed to play to their natural ending.
MICHI ON THIS BOUT (Commentary)
Overall, this game was a very defensive one. While we had a star-pass, it was noticably devoid of offensive assists. The Bruiser line-up, especially Denise Lightning, Angela Darkness and Shirley Demise showed where if you have tactic, you don't always need a lot of speed. This was very much a slower paced bout, but with both teams exhibiting a lot of defense, the speed does not matter. What mattered was finding the hole to break through. The Brawlarinas were playing pretty much as I expected from my past experiences with this team. If this would have been a 3 period game, this would have been one where the Brawlies would be behind after two and then would be the more aggressive team in the third period to try to catch up. The Brawlie juices did not start to really flow until the final few jams of the game. Unfortuantely, it was not in time to mend more of the damage. But hats off to French Lyck and Certified Luna Chick who took advantage of Bruiser penalties to narrow down the point spread and not make the bout seem lop-sided. As we have learned from TRD's last season, point spreads can be very important for championship placement. Notice that I did talk a lot about Brawla defense, especially from Hacker Too Pieces and Holly Would. The Purple Patrol came out there with a determination to win but the Nurses were just more ready. Each team bouts 6 times this year, so the Brawlies still have a chance to turn up the juices, especially in the face of the opposing rookie skaters.
AZRD's next bout will be on October 18 between last year's champions, The Bad News Beaters and the Surly Gurlies with live music by Abraham Drinkin'.
We will talk more about this bout on Wednesday in Michi On Arizona Derby. For now, we welcome your opinions about this bout.
PROGRAM ROSTERS
BRUISERS: Denise Lightning-C (23), Dee Vicious-A (XO), Yellow Fever (108 Degrees), Angela Darkness (E3), Floozie Q (55), Poka Hi Ness (24), Shirley Demise (25), Shedonist (onlyAA thinking XXX).
BRAWLARINAS: Holly Would-C (411), Hacker Too Pieces-A (16), Destructo Kitty (12), French Lyck (11), Laid E. Bugg (), Goldie Fingered (U235), A. Whacks Queen (25:17), Certified Luna Chick (10/06), Sick Girl (138).
THE ARIZONA DERBY REPORT
Michelle A. Eyre/Michi-chan
www.michichan.com
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Recovered from MCRSP records, December 4, 2025.
